Megami.
I no longer see the point.
I cannot think of the slightest reason I should go on living.
In this lies my deepest sentiment...
Just as a man has the right to live, he also ought to have the right to die.
My soul, it craves none and has no capacity to go on.
I haven't any strength left to quarrel with. I can't even face people for affection, of which I no longer desire.
I should have died sooner, but something so impertinent and so frivolous that it felt undesirable to go on living besides, somehow kept me alive all the same: Love.
When I think of it I can't simply die. It's true, as I have said, that just as a man has the right to live he also has the right to die, but with love - something I
find myself entirely incapable of fulfilling - I survive. I survive on others capacity to love me indifferently.
Just today my mother, whose health has been declining sharply said to me something that very well may have saved my life.